but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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