We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just want to make out with him forever
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
