bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i think i just lost a toe
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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