I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
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I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
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At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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