I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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