we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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