I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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