Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Can i not drive my cunt home
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
