I looked at my own cervix.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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