Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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