this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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