I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
