ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
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Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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