Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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