I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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