oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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