Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
