Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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