lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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