I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
