On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
