Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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