you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
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He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
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dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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