No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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