she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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