Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
