Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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