On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
