she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
