I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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