how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
