Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Boobs are out for the taking
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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