I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
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i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
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The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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