i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
