This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
