I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
