as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
