I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
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oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
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YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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