On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
