It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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