Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
