No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
