Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
