Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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