Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I would fuck him just for his dog
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