smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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