Sorry, I don't speak sober.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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