so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
