He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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