i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
