Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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