i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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