so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
