Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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