...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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