I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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