We won't sleep together?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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