i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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