Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
