Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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